Maybe the reason it seems that almost everybody wants some one else’s hair, or wardrobe, or singing voice, or body, etc. is because we’re bored.  

I wonder what would happen if we could forget about what we look like, about what clothes we have in our closets, forget how our voices sound.  What if we woke up tomorrow, seeing ourselves and what we have in new eyes? Instead of getting up and looking in the mirror and thinking, well, I look the same as I always do, what if we could rediscover how we look?

I don’t think I mean anything like a spritual, existential, find-myself-journey. I mean literally.  I want to forget about myself and see it fresh.  Would we be bored with ourselves, or expecting that we’ll look the same way every day, or take ourselves for granted?

I do not want to forget my life. Not my life, my friends, my past. Just myself. I wonder what would happen if we just forgot all the things we’re not happy with and all the things we notice because we’ve lived with ourselves for all our lives. Erase all that from our memories.

Maybe we wouldn’t even notice a lot of them the second time around.

So 2009 has started out as the best year of my life.  I have so many great things going on for me. Here’s a genera overview of my life in 2009:

1. I MADE MARIA IN MY SCHOOL’S PRODUCTION OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!

2. I’m really making friends and loving meeting people in the play. I told one of my fellow choir girls, “I’m excited about acting wih my friends and making friends with the people I’m acting with.”

3. [Private]

4.  I don’t know if this is good or not, but I’m kind of adjusting to being an only child?  Yes, I still have those moments where I’m like, “Oh, I can’t wait to tell Deanna this!” or “I need her opinion on what to say to this guy ASAP!” and I can’t, but I’m kinda getting used to it.

5. For instance, she doesn’t know that I’m starting a music project with a guy I met at auditions for the musical. But she does now.  Because she’s read this.  ;]

7. I’ve really noticed an improvement in my singing, and especially my nerves. They’ve definitely curved. I still get nervous, but it’s pretty much my body flipping out; I can calm my mind pretty well.

8. The term is almost over. That means no more Chemistry after next Friday! And I get to start out fresh in AP History.

9. My goldfish still arent dead? I haven’t cleaned their tank since summer, probably, I feed them only once a day if I remember, they’re in my old room so I never see them. I’m the worst fish mama ever and they’re still alive. I bet it’s because they can’t help but love me so much.

10. I’ve recovered. Last year, I really had a “funk” going on. I was angry, constantly self-conscious, I had zero confidence (which was reflected in pretty much every part of my life), I had no friends at school, I freaked out over my grades (all A’s, but if it was an A- or a B, I would pretty much cry), I was depressed, my mom and I fought all the time.  I’m better! Like, 110%!  Like I said at the beginning of this post, this has started off being the best year of my life. I’ve been happy (when people ask how I am, I honestly answer “good”!) and confident, and I make friends all the time.   =]

11. I think I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life.  I really think musical theatre. I LOVE acting. I LOVE singing. So.. why not put them together?  All the other things on my list of possible career interests can be part time jobs, or jobs while I go around auditioning, or hobbies. 

12. Unfortunately, I have to leave for school now. Which means sitting through all my classes until rehearsal (after school). So school takes forever now, because I can’t wait to practice. 

What’s your 2009 been like so far?

I have had the best last few days.

Thursday night was my choir concert. We were called to show up way earlier than we needed to be there (four-o-clock call and the concert was at seven-thirty), but I was able to get to know the people in my show choir a lot better. Justin said I look like Doris Day, so that’s what he calls me now. =]

The all-girl show choir went before the senior show choir, the one that I’m in.   My group was hanging backstage manically dancing to the other group’s music.  Oh, it was so much fun! Even though I’m in show choir, I’m not one to just… dance.  But back stage, everyone just let loose and I think I might have actually been doing it right.

I will admit, I made more mistakes this concert than usual, but it was still fun.

I had some great people come see me, so that was pretty much amazing. A lot of alumni choir friends came to the concert, too, and that was really great to see them.

Friday night, I had dinner with my family and my sister’s boyfriend. That was pretty cool because I was able to geektalk with my nerdy dad and sister. 

After that was my show choir’s Christmas party.  My hair was great and I had a great outfit.   ;]  Near the end of things, we went caroling.   When we approached a house and rang the doorbell, everyone had a great idea to  start singing before they open the door.  So we just stood there, singing to a closed door. After caroling to three doors, the last house we tried actually had someone open their door for us. This nice old man came outside and he even asked for a second song! He told us to wait one minute and disappeared up the stairs.  I was half sure he was going to call the police or something on us teenagers running around the neighborhood after nine at night…. But he came back down and gave us each a dollar!  When we got back to the house where the party and our choir director were at, we rang the doorbell and caroled to her.  When “Carol of the Bells” was done, we poured the dollar coins into her hands for the choir fund!

Yesterday was the best yet. I finished my history project without much pain – I actually kind of enjoyed it. Then my friend Izzy and I went to see Twilight again, so we can mock it. When it came to the scenes that we always quote at school, we could hardly contain ourselves. 

That night, one of my best friends came over to watch The Dark Knight. (Great movie.)  He ended up coming in time to eat dinner with us, too. It ended up being a really relaxing night and definitely the best time I’ve had with him yet.

This morning, I went back to the church he goes to and I went to his college group.  The speaker was really amazing and I really got a lot out of it.

I hope my good days continue. At least through the Christmas/New Year season.  They better, they owe me for last year.

       Last night was my high school’s first choir concert of the year!  It was also my frst performance with show choir. As nervous as I was, I rocked the concert! Oh, it was so much fun!  I performed two songs with my show choir, one with a select ensemble, one with the women’s ensemble, and four with the whole of Chorale.

       The ending piece was a medly of songs from the Lion King. One of my few complaints with that one is that no body had any energy. That morning, we were told to be moving around a little and smiling.  I mean it’s Lion King for goodness sake! Anyway, I told my dad about that at the afterglow.

          “Well, I saw several people moving; most of them were in the back row.”
          “Yeah! Because we’re tall! There’s more of us!      Maximum capacity for awesome!”

       I had a bigger group of people that came and saw me than ever before to any of my performances ever.

       And today, I actually kind of understood my chemistry class. And I got a lot done in AP English. I’m writing an essay on The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls.  If you haven’t read it yet, I highly reccomend it. Anyway, while we were in the computer lab, I recieved a carnation-gram for sweetest day!! ME.  I’ve never recieved a flower from anyone in my school!                     ……Okay, so it was from one of my good friends, but nevertheless, it made my day!  Besides, she’s kind of one of those people where I’m surprised that she chose to pay to have a flower sent to me of all people, me of all her other friends. (Yes, I know that sentence could have been executed much better, but I couldn’t figure out a better way to phrase it. I’m saving all my powers of perfect sentence structure for my essay)

Thing to smile about #16:  FINALLY getting the time, chance, and reason to write a real post again!

I have a picture of one of my friends “smoking” a candle up on my Facebook. The caption reads: “Smoking fail.”

His response?:  ”Which means Haley has been poisoned with second-hand fail.”

Thing to smile about #12:  Laughing so hard your sides hurt. You’ve all had those times. You know it. 

=D

     My [real, live] friend and I made up a mutual friend. Although I forget the actual name we decided upon, we agreed to call him “Shoe.”  We also have two actual mutual friends that we both saw each week at the time. We created Shoe to have messages “from”, to pass to each other via our actual friends. No real point to it except amusement, I suppose. Anyway, it stuck and we’ll give each other updates on how Shoe is doing. Thanks to Facebook, our most recent conversation about him went like this:

Me: “Shoe says hey.

He misses you.
In a strange way.”

Her: “Uh oh. Last time he missed me in a strange way, I ended up being duct taped to a wall outside of Nashville…

You’d best tell him I say hello.”

Me: ”I remember that.

Mm… This was a different strange way.
Nevertheless, I shall tell him so.”

Her: ”Oh gosh, please don’t tell me that you helped. That was brutal. I didn’t sleep for a week afterwards I was so keyed up.

How so? What should I expect?
Thanks. Oh, and will you tell him that he should call me?”

Me: ”I didn’t help. Not me. I’m nice. I was stalking him, trying to call ahead to the hardware stores, telling him not to sell him any kind of adhesive.

This time, I would expect hog-tying, postage stamps, craft glitter, some rubber bands, and – better safe than sorry – some ramen noodle.”

Her: ”Oh my goodness, no. Please.. Haley, you have to save me. That stuff is.. the epitome of fright!! How am I supposed to survive this?!? What has gotten into him anyway?”

        So here’s to make-believe friends and missing people in strange ways.