Tag Archives: confidence

I have returned from my (unannounced) blogging hiatus!

So, I know I haven’t blogged in a while.   And I know how much of cliche it is to say that. But it must be said.

To catch you up, I’ll give you a brief overview of the end of my summer and the beginning of my senior year.  You’re welcome.

  • School is school.  After going to the Vocal Arts Institute at Mpulse at  U of M this summer, being in my high school choir again is hard to adjust to.
  • I’m going to my last high school Homecoming dance this Saturday.
  • I’ve decided that I do love my hair short and so it will get cut and remain that way. =]
  • Today, Twitter had a topic trend called #Iamsinglebecause. I searched it and all of them were all, “#iamsinglebecause I am fat” or “because boys are idiots” or “because I’m f*@&ed up.”  I posted one. “#Iamsinglebecause I choose to be.
  • The Detroit Lions beat the Washington Redskins. (!)
  • Laser tag is all I will be doing in Heaven.
  • I got my homecoming dress for $8. 
  • I got my license!
  • And a car.
  • It’s name is Marty. Marty McFly.
  • He’s a Transformer.


And now, for some of my absolute favorite internetz finds! =]

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An Upperclassman Now!

I’m home after the first day of school! I’m back to public school full time. Again. It started off really well because, even though I had to wake up at 5:30, I had a stupid good hair day! Just to clarify, that means my hair looked so good, it was stupid. And I was on the radio while I was doing my make up! I called in and the topic was “what are you looking forward to about school, and what are you dreading about it?”

My answer?  I’m looking forward to utilizing my new wardrobe! But I was dreading the fact that you don’t find out which lunch you have until third hour. I’m always so worried that I’ll go to my third hour class and it’ll be empty and locked. Okay, that’d mean that I have A lunch. So after that, I would go upstairs to lunch. By then, the lines would be horribly long and it’d take forever for me to get food. Then I’d stand on my toes in the cafeteria, looking very much like the first day of school, trying to find some one I know. By the time I do (if I do), I’ll have ten or fifteen minutes left. It’d all be downhill from there. Thankfully, that didn’t happen, but I’ll get to that later.

My mom drove me to school this morning (not for moral support, but to save me the embarrassment of holding a giant poster for AP English for a while at the bus stop and having to carry and protect it around with me through bus conditions, of which I had no idea what to expect). We listened to Life Expectancy by Dean Koontz in the car on the way there.

My first hour is Chorale, which was nice because I’ve been in it for two years now already and it was comfortable to start off with that. Hopefully this year will go by much more smoothly than last year. Before the first concert, (our first actual performance was a funeral because) a boy named Tim, a bass in choir, died. Our Winter concert was moved to a nearby middle school because of a bomb threat at the high school – we learned that they were shutting down the whole building AFTER we had set up the entire bake sale. The next concert was enjoyably interrupted by the fire alarm going haywire in the middle of one of our songs. The last concert was the only one that went as expected.

My choir director is big on making sure we understand rules. This year, my school is actually enforcing the cell phone and dress code policies (now they’re not just taking our phones for the day, they’re keeping them until the next Monday). She went through our handbooks and skimmed over and lectured about different things.

One rule that she pointed out is “pornography or other inappropriate display may not be used to decorate the lockers.” After the initial giggling of the class, a sweet girl named Molly shouted out, “What!?”   Now, Molly is a really sweet girl. She’s adorable and naive and loves Disney, musicals, taking pictures, and the Jonas Brothers.   It. Was. Hilarious. When she reacted like that. Of course, she meant it as, “What? People actually do that?” But it sounded as if she was miffed because they don’t allow lockers to be decorated with porn, and everyone knew how she meant it and how it sounded. Believe me, it was a lot funnier if you were there and especially if you know Molly.

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A First I Hadn’t Expected

It’s a scene that you see everywhere. It’s very cliche, really. In countless movies.

A guy walking a girl to her front door.

I just went on a spontaneous run to Taco Bell with a guy friend of mine. He had made it clear that it wasn’t a date when he asked me to go. That didn’t really matter to me (I meant that as it wouldn’t have kept me from going, not that I’m apathetic about the subject). Anyway, a lot of the night was basically a history of his previous relationships and “love-life” and girls and all that. Don’t get me wrong, it was really understandable with him. I’m not complaining. We had a really great conversation. A lot of fun.

But my self confidence hasn’t been helped by the last couple times I’ve spent hanging out with guys. Any time the subject comes up of something they find attractive in a girl or what they like, etc, it’s the complete opposite of me. Dark hair, curly hair, really long hair, thin, dark skin, red hair, petite. Those are ALL things I’ve heard from guys lately about what they like in girls and I can match up each one to which guy said it. And no matter how good I try to look (and feel) before I hang out with a/some guy friend/s, I always end up feeling like they don’t find me attractive at all. By talking about all that about what they find attractive in a girl, and that’s all not me, right in front of me, are they trying to send the message that they find me ugly or unattractive? Probably not, but after an entire day at the mall and such, I feel pretty worn down.

Anyway, we basically get asked to leave Taco Bell because we had stayed and talked for so long. The night had gone surprisingly well. I had been slightly apprehensive about the awkward/feeling embarrassed factor. But all had gone fine and we pulled into my drive way. I wasn’t sure if we were going to do a side-hug deal in the car, but he saved me the worry by opening his door. I got out and walked around to his side. But because of the way he had parked, I rethought. I mumbled something about “we probably shouldn’t hug in the middle of the road” and he replied with something about walking me to my door.


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