Tag Archives: school

The post that was harder to write than I thought, and is a little more personal than I’d like.

My sister has got it figured out. Her first job was a summer internship at the place my dad works at. In the Fall, they asked her to stay with them, and soon offered her to be full-time. She never had to put in applications all over town, or go job hunting on a rainy day, running into every store in strip malls asking if they’re hiring. She moved out as soon as she turned eighteen. Like I could ever imagine affording that. She just got married at age twenty in March of 2010. She never had to go through a post-graduation, pre-anything-meaningful-in-life, quarter-life crisis or anything. Not only is her life fulfilling, simplistic, and everything she’d always wished it would be, it’s everything I wished my life would be.

There she is, happily married, has always had an enjoyable and rewarding job, loving being a wife and cooking and working out and trying new things, driven, and being exactly where she feels she is meant to be. And here I am. I graduated High School last summer, and then went away to a wonderful school that I loved, only to be flipped on my head. My Vocal Performance major, which had been all I had known, ended up not being what I loved or thrived doing. Linguistics, my new focus, was not offered as a degree at that school. Also, it turned out that I actually felt limited and trapped on campus rather than the “Go, be free and independent!” that freshman year of college is supposed to promise.

So I came home. I transferred to my local community college, taking some courses that will work towards my degree (nothing specialized, unfortunately – just Spanish, film, English Comp, etc.). Now, I NEVER imagined myself being here. I still kind of can’t believe I’m here. Unlike my sister, I am exactly where I never hoped or thought or imagined I would be. I’m going to community college. I’m working a part-time job, to make money, to buy gas, to drive to my part-time job. I then come home, where I live with my parents, and put up with three obnoxious, past-their-cute-prime, eat-my-favorite-articles-of-clothing dogs. I have a car that thinks going into the shop once a week is a spa treatment – seriously, it’s been in the shop three or four times in one month.  I didn’t just come back home to figure out what to do next, or to work and get my degree, I came home to an unfriendly not-so-welcome into the grown-up world of court dates, used car shopping, boss issues, and realizing just how unaffordable and tedious being a grown up is.

I’ve been feeling a heck of a lack of drive. There’s no diploma I’m working for, or a career I can’t wait to start and do things with, or anything like that. The next thing in life I’m really looking forward to or excited about is getting married, starting a family, being a good housewife and mom and cooking and laughing. But it’ll be quite some time until I (or my significant other) can afford a wedding and place to live. And so it’s turned to myself. The only thing I can think to set goals with is to work out X many times a week, or tone up this or that part of my body. But even that gets old and tiring and discouraging.

My mom’s been bugging me about getting back into extracurricular activities that I loved in high school, which are not as easy or simple to get involved with or that have a point as when they’re run by your school (for example, working towards a recital or concert or opening night of the Spring musical). There is an audition for a play I’m going to do, but that’s in June (and as I’m writing this, it just hit me that maybe my week away in Georgia to see my best friend in July might hinder that involvement. I know a lot of times, they want some one who will be at every rehearsal – especially for any role bigger than “Chorus Dancer #6” or “Frightened Inmate #3”). I’ve been encouraged to call my high school voice teacher to begin lessons again – which I probably will, and I’ll enjoy it, but it’ll just be to pass the time. I know now that I don’t want a vocal arts career and so I don’t know if I’ll see much reason to it other than to just further improve my skills for… what, exactly?

When I put in a lot of job applications around town when I first transferred back home, two places were interested: a sandwich shop in the town right down the road, and the Cafe I work at now, which offered me an interview and job sooner than the former had. That being said, the sandwich shop did call me twice about an interview, but I had to tell them I just couldn’t add on another job with being in school and already working part time. However, now that school is over, I called them and asked about an interview to possibly add it on as a second job. But they seemed hesitant about reconciling my current sporadic schedule and about the number of people they already have that will discontinue their employment there in the fall when school starts up again (I’ll probably just go on with my current job and school schedule, like I did last semester), and that they would call me back. And I don’t know if I really want them to ask me to come in. I don’t know if I want a second job because I might as well make money if I have time on my hands, or if I think it could be fun or if I actually don’t want it but for some reason think it might be enough of a change in my life to make things interesting. I might have a new goal of learning how things worked and the recipes and the menu. I just don’t know.

So this is where I’m left. To all of you who have it figured out and are happy and fulfilled with your lives, congratulations. You’re very fortunate to be in your position and I hope it continues to give you many years of contentment. And for all those like me, I’m sure we’ll get through and something exciting and meaningful will happen to us eventually.

And I’m just trying to figure out where to go from here.

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Ignorance and Obnoxiosity.

I hate my Brit Lit class.

Not because of my teacher – I actually really like him.

Not because of the assignments – I’ll admit, there’s a lot of homework, but it’s managable.

Because of the other students.

They all take everything personally- differentiating interpretations of poetry, when you use a word they don’t know, when you answer a question when they knew the answer, too, but the teacher picked your hand first. It’s terrible.

And here’s the thing. Continue reading

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“Yearbook” is one word, right?

You know what’s always weird about school this time of year?       Signing yearbooks.

There’s several types of yearbook signers:

  • Those who take up a whole page with giant, bubbly handwriting. These people probably don’t really care what they’re writing to you; they just want to make themselves feel important.
  • Those who take up a whole page with an actual, heart-felt letter.  These people are probably some of your best friends. The letter is either sentimental and will make you cry and sad to graduate or it’s hilarious and will make you laugh until you cry and possibly pee your pants.
  • Then there’s the complete opposite: The people who write “HAGS” and their name, if not their initials. Or they only sign their name/initials. (Warning: if I sign your yearbook like this, I probably sort of hate you.)
  • There are those people who have one signature message that they write in everyone’s yearboook. This message probably goes something like this: “Hey! This year was so much fun with you! I hope you have an awesome Summer! We should totally hang out! Stay cool!”  Blah blah blah.
  • Those people who, similarly, write the same thing in everyone’s yearbook but it’s only an uncomfortable little rhyme that they think is clever.  Example: “Some sign in front, some sign in back, but look at me, I signed your crack!”  (…..Yeah.  I’ve had that one before…..)
  • There are those who write something just to write something. “Hey. Hi, hello, howdy, hola….  H is a fun letter.” (This is an actual entry in my own yearbook.)
  • Those who read all the other entries in some one’s yearbook and secretly try to top them all with the ultimate yearbook message.
  • And then there are those acquaintences who mention only a couple inside jokes: “Remember when you hit your head on a broom stick and got that bruise on your head for Homecoming? Sooo funny! See you next year!”  (Also an actual entry in my yearbook.) (I never did that.)

I’m pretty sure I’ve experienced all the above sorts of yearbook signers by now.  But, you know what?  I have one more year left and I hope that next year I’ll be able to read some messages in the back of my book and not think “I wonder if they actually meant it.”

There’s also a couple different MOs when it comes to people letting you sign their yearbook:

  • Those who reserve three pages – each page for a different “bestie” to take up the entire space of.
  • Those who won’t let anyone at all sign it until their BEST FRIEND signs it first.
  • Those who secretly compete with everyone else to get the most signatures in their yearbook, regardless of whether they are actually friends or not and secretly check out everyone else’s yearbooks.
  • Those people who are too cool for you to sign their yearbooks and lend it out to their exclusive groupies and whenever you ask if you could sign their yearbook always say that one of their cronies has it.
  • Those people who tell you that they didn’t get one because they don’t want you to want to sign it.
  • Those who really don’t take it that seriously but might appreciate the nostalgia and lets anyone who really wants to sign their yearbook. I am this person.
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A very interesting start to what’s bound to be a very interesting new term.

So my first term started last Friday.   First off, let me explain the situation: Exams for third term wre Wednesday and Thursday, we had the first day of the new term Friday, and now we have Spring Break until Monday.  So naturally, half the school skipped on Friday.

I, unfortunately, was not one of those people.

My first hour, choir, didn’t change. Except we got a new song.  And it’s totally strange.  To start, it’s named “Las Amarillas.”  The Yellows? Here are the lyrics.  The song’s originally in Spanish, but this is a translation:

The yellow larks fly from their cactuses
No longer will the cardinals sing happily
na-na-na
and na-na-no

The trees on the hillside, since they haven’t revived
For this the larks sing, or the nest hold them down
na-na-na
and na-na-no

You are little and beautiful, and the way you are, I love you
You look like a little rose from the shores of Guerrero
with your na-na-na
and na-na-no

My father was a sparrowhawk and I was born to peck and peck
Where I place my beak, I’m like a trumpeter
na-na-na
and na-na-no

Everyone has their farewells, but none
is like this one. 

Four times five is twenty,
three times seven is twenty-one.

Yeah, you read that right.  Multiplication!  The last verse is multiplication tables!!  Oh, I don’t understand, either.  And you know how directors sometimes have notes along with the song to tell you how each bit is meant to be sung? Continue reading

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These might be for you.

My personal notes to a potential suitor:

#1: Music is a huge part of my life. I will introduce you to my favorite artists. And I will be looking for some indication of what you think. If you love it, let me know. If you don’t, tell me why.

#2: Please dance with me. =] Goofily(?) and all other kinds of dancing. Don’t worry, I suck at it, too.

#3: A lack of respect towards me is a deal-breaker. No excuses.

#4: It’d be totally awesome if you would be all about holidays with me. Including National Get Over It Day. (March 9th)

#5: Please let me vent. And, if you disagree with me, please let me finish ranting before you say that you can see the other side. If you make an argument for the opposite side while I’m ranting, it’ll probably just start a fight.

#6: Please, please don’t close off. Especially during an argument. Let’s always talk, okay?

#7: Do not text me 24/7. Everyday? Sure, I’m down with that. But let me get to sleep at a reasonable hour. Let me go to school. And don’t freak if it takes me a little while to respond. I have a life.

#8: Be okay with no PDA. Holding hands is fine, but let’s not ever be attatched at the hip.

#9: Honesty is an absolute must. It’s a core value for me, so I hope it is for you, too. Don’t be the type to just tell me what you think I want to hear.

#10: Yes, I probably would prefer to buy the book as opposed to borrowing it from the library.

#11: Please don’t be one of those people who freak out about their picture being taken. I think you’re cute. And bad pictures happen to even the best of us. A picture is only embarrassing if you choose to be embarrassed by it. And you are not any picture of you. If necessary, and in those situations where you really don’t want your picture taken (I have those, too), please be mature about it and respond by saying something like, “honey, please not today. We’ll get pictures together some other time, okay?” as opposed to freaking out. Or you could suggest a compromise: Let me take a couple pictures in return for letting you pick the next movie we watch or having me pay for dinner sometime.

#12: On that note, if a compromise is to be made, let’s specify at the moment it is being suggested what the conditions are for each party. Don’t hold it over my head that I owe you something.

#13: One word: HYGIENE!

#14: Please don’t ever feed me. It’s so awkward. For me and everyone else.

#15: Drive me places, but I’d like to drive sometimes, too.

#16: I can pretty much guaruntee that I’ll try to imitate the way you talk. I do that. Please find amusement in it and don’t get offended. I don’t do it to mock you; I love linguistics.

#17: Please, no buzz-cuts.  Have hair.

#18: Please be a fellow musician. But if you are, don’t be critical or try to give me lessons unless I ask you for it.

#19: Be a real man – Love God.

#20: I would absolutely love it if you made “your face” jokes with me. =]  And if you remember that I like Chuck Norris jokes.

#21: If you interacct well with kids, I’ll melt.  =]

 

 

 (inspired by this)

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2009

So 2009 has started out as the best year of my life.  I have so many great things going on for me. Here’s a genera overview of my life in 2009:

1. I MADE MARIA IN MY SCHOOL’S PRODUCTION OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!

2. I’m really making friends and loving meeting people in the play. I told one of my fellow choir girls, “I’m excited about acting wih my friends and making friends with the people I’m acting with.”

3. [Private]

4.  I don’t know if this is good or not, but I’m kind of adjusting to being an only child?  Yes, I still have those moments where I’m like, “Oh, I can’t wait to tell Deanna this!” or “I need her opinion on what to say to this guy ASAP!” and I can’t, but I’m kinda getting used to it.

5. For instance, she doesn’t know that I’m starting a music project with a guy I met at auditions for the musical. But she does now.  Because she’s read this.  ;]

7. I’ve really noticed an improvement in my singing, and especially my nerves. They’ve definitely curved. I still get nervous, but it’s pretty much my body flipping out; I can calm my mind pretty well.

8. The term is almost over. That means no more Chemistry after next Friday! And I get to start out fresh in AP History.

9. My goldfish still arent dead? I haven’t cleaned their tank since summer, probably, I feed them only once a day if I remember, they’re in my old room so I never see them. I’m the worst fish mama ever and they’re still alive. I bet it’s because they can’t help but love me so much.

10. I’ve recovered. Last year, I really had a “funk” going on. I was angry, constantly self-conscious, I had zero confidence (which was reflected in pretty much every part of my life), I had no friends at school, I freaked out over my grades (all A’s, but if it was an A- or a B, I would pretty much cry), I was depressed, my mom and I fought all the time.  I’m better! Like, 110%!  Like I said at the beginning of this post, this has started off being the best year of my life. I’ve been happy (when people ask how I am, I honestly answer “good”!) and confident, and I make friends all the time.   =]

11. I think I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life.  I really think musical theatre. I LOVE acting. I LOVE singing. So.. why not put them together?  All the other things on my list of possible career interests can be part time jobs, or jobs while I go around auditioning, or hobbies. 

12. Unfortunately, I have to leave for school now. Which means sitting through all my classes until rehearsal (after school). So school takes forever now, because I can’t wait to practice. 

What’s your 2009 been like so far?

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The best days I’ve had in a long while.

I have had the best last few days.

Thursday night was my choir concert. We were called to show up way earlier than we needed to be there (four-o-clock call and the concert was at seven-thirty), but I was able to get to know the people in my show choir a lot better. Justin said I look like Doris Day, so that’s what he calls me now. =]

The all-girl show choir went before the senior show choir, the one that I’m in.   My group was hanging backstage manically dancing to the other group’s music.  Oh, it was so much fun! Even though I’m in show choir, I’m not one to just… dance.  But back stage, everyone just let loose and I think I might have actually been doing it right.

I will admit, I made more mistakes this concert than usual, but it was still fun.

I had some great people come see me, so that was pretty much amazing. A lot of alumni choir friends came to the concert, too, and that was really great to see them.

Friday night, I had dinner with my family and my sister’s boyfriend. That was pretty cool because I was able to geektalk with my nerdy dad and sister. 

After that was my show choir’s Christmas party.  My hair was great and I had a great outfit.   ;]  Near the end of things, we went caroling.   When we approached a house and rang the doorbell, everyone had a great idea to Continue reading

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… Cont’d

I love music. Choir is an extremely high priority for me.  My school’s choir has some really amazing songs this winter, so I thought I’d share them:

There Will Be Rest”  –  Frank Ticheli
MSVMA Honor Choir performed this last year; that’s what the link in the name is to.  It’s gorgeous. The lyrics are one of the last poems written by Sara Teasdale. She committed suicide at the age of 48.

“There will be rest, and sure stars shining
           Over the roof-tops crowned with snow,
A reign of rest, serene forgetting,
           The music of stillness holy and low.

I will make this world of my devising,
           Out of a dream in my lonely mind,
I shall find the crystal of peace, – above me
           Stars I shall find.”

 

Another one we’re doing is “Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening”  The lyrics are a Robert Frost poem:

“Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. ”
We’re also singing Carol of the Bells (Peter J. Wilhousky), There Is No Rose (Gary Garcia), The Sleigh (Kountz), The First Breath of Winter (Phyllis Wolfe-White), and a few others.  But I couldn’t find any videos of them, though.

However, while I was youtubing, I came across this.  I say you should watch it.  It’s hardcore.  Lol.

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Maximum Capacity for Awesome!

       Last night was my high school’s first choir concert of the year!  It was also my frst performance with show choir. As nervous as I was, I rocked the concert! Oh, it was so much fun!  I performed two songs with my show choir, one with a select ensemble, one with the women’s ensemble, and four with the whole of Chorale.

       The ending piece was a medly of songs from the Lion King. One of my few complaints with that one is that no body had any energy. That morning, we were told to be moving around a little and smiling.  I mean it’s Lion King for goodness sake! Anyway, I told my dad about that at the afterglow.

          “Well, I saw several people moving; most of them were in the back row.”
          “Yeah! Because we’re tall! There’s more of us!      Maximum capacity for awesome!”

 

 

       I had a bigger group of people that came and saw me than ever before to any of my performances ever.

 

       And today, I actually kind of understood my chemistry class. And I got a lot done in AP English. I’m writing an essay on The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls.  If you haven’t read it yet, I highly reccomend it. Anyway, while we were in the computer lab, I recieved a carnation-gram for sweetest day!! ME.  I’ve never recieved a flower from anyone in my school!  😀                   ……Okay, so it was from one of my good friends, but nevertheless, it made my day!  Besides, she’s kind of one of those people where I’m surprised that she chose to pay to have a flower sent to me of all people, me of all her other friends. (Yes, I know that sentence could have been executed much better, but I couldn’t figure out a better way to phrase it. I’m saving all my powers of perfect sentence structure for my essay)

 

 

Thing to smile about #16:  FINALLY getting the time, chance, and reason to write a real post again!

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Home Coming Dance!

       So I did actually go to my school’s Home Coming dance! The theme this year was “Welcome to the Jungle.”  The class t-shirts have my school’s name printed with different animal prints for each year. There’s snakes, cheetahs, zebras, and giraffes. 

       Did you catch that error? Only one of the four animals depicted on our class t-shirts is correct! Cheetahs, zebras, and giraffes don’t live in a jungle! They live in the savanna! There’s a huge difference.

Savanna:

Jungle:

 

       Yeah, whoever is in leadership should be embarrassed.  Did none of them catch it?  Lol.

       But anyway, the dance was great and I had an awesome dress!  My only complaint is that my hair sucks and doesn’t hold a curl for more than two-ish hours. But I had so much fun.  Way more than freshman year (I didn’t go last year).  

       Ahh… Perhaps I should elaborate.  At that time, things between me and this guy were confusing. He “liked” me and I wasn’t sure if I liked him. My major excuse not to date him was that I am a Christian and he’s not. And I know it’s just high school fun, but I didn’t want to regret anything about my first boyfriend, you know?  Anyway, I spent all day primping and when I got to the dance, when the guy found me, he came up to me, held his hands out to his sides and said “Hey, look! I dressed the part!” NOTHING about me the entire night.  Now, I’m not conceited, I don’t even think I looked that great, but what kind of a clueless idiot doesn’t know to compliment the girl about something when you “go with” them to a dance?

       And he ignored me the entire night and I got swept up in drama, in a way. Because I was the only person who wasn’t involved in drama, so therefore, people all came running to me about their drama. Gr!  I ended up sitting out in the hall quite a bit until my date decided he didn’t want to be alone in front of everybody else for the first slow song, so he came and got me. He didn’t say a word, he just walked out into the hall and held out his hand, assuming I wouldn’t possibly reject him.

       ….I didn’t at the time, but I kinda wish I had. He was a jerk. And the next month to follow, he got even worse.  Ugh, I won’t explain all that here, though.

 

       But this year was so much better! I went with my best friend (other than my sister) and there was no pressure to dance at all, even though we did. Both slow and… regular(?).  It was a blast.

 

 

 

 

Thing to smile about #14:  Going to the Home Coming dance with a friend you’re 110% comfortable with, and know that there’s no pressure about anything.  =]

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